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This hasn’t happened in a long time.  At 3:30 AM my eyes opened, and I was instantly alert – no yawning, no eye rubbing, no rolling over – just BAM!  Wide awake.

I tried to go back to sleep because I know I will sorely miss the rest by the time this day is over and done, but it doesn’t matter what I know.  I am awake, and there’s no going back to sleep right now.

Call me crazy of you want, but I’ll take that bet and raise you:  when I finish writing this, I’m going to run three miles just for shits and giggles.

I need to spend more time on this site.  I need to spend more time writing.  I miss it so much, and it feels so good to sit here in  the early morning hours, feeling the words flow from my mind, down my arms, into my fingers, onto the keys, and onto this screen.

So, my friends, how have you been?  I need to make time to go on an Internet walkabout and see all of you.  I feel so out of touch with everyone.

How am I doing?  I am in a place of mixed blessings at the moment.

My family is healthy and safe.  My parents and all of my brothers are making ends meet.  No one is on the street or starving, and I am so thankful for that when I consider how many people have lost their jobs.

My job is going well.  I feel like I finally understand enough to be a contributing member of the team, and I find myself on increasingly stable financial ground.  My credit score is creeping up.  I just refinanced my car for a much better interest rate (down from 12.25% to 5.7%,) and I hope to buy a house this year, maybe before summer’s end.  I’ve never owned property before.  I feel like I’m finally getting my act together, and it feels great!

I don’t talk about my personal life much on here, but I will say that I have been blessed.  The Fates, Karma, God – whatever you want to call it – has deemed me worthy of a chance at true happiness.  I’ve found my soulmate, my mirror image.  Her privacy is important, so again, I can’t go into much detail, but I can say that she is absolutely, undeniably, and unequivocally AWESOME.  She makes me wish I believed in God just so I could thank Him for putting her in my life.

Unfortunately, not all is sunshine and rainbows in Thomasland.  I’m under a tremendous, pulverizing mass of stress at the moment, for reasons that I can’t explain here.   The stress is adversely affecting every aspect of my life, and I’m working towards a resolution, but it’s been hell on Earth so far. That’s all I’m going to say about it.  Do NOT ask me about it if you know me in real life because I will not talk about it beyond what I’ve said here.

I’ve been eating more and exercising less, and my weight loss endeavors have suffered.  I’ve managed to keep under 280, but I’ve spent the last month bouncing between 270 and 279.  I should be closing in on 260 by now, but I’m not even close.  Maybe next week I’ll get back on track, but I begin to lose hope because I’ve been telling myself that every week for about five weeks now.

My attempts at getting published have likewise ground to a halt.  I know what I want, and I know what I need to be doing in order to get it, but I’m not doing it.  I go to the gym.  I go to work.  I go home.  I eat.  I watch movies, spend time with friends, or clean my apartment.  I go to bed.  I get back up and do it all over again.  Weekends are more of the same, without the part about going to work.  I’m not working on these websites.  I’m not querying agents.  I’m not maintaining my presence on the forums.  I’m not writing or reading.  I’m not researching and planning self-publication.  I’m going nowhere, and it’s no surprise, considering I’m not doing any of the things that could move me forward.

I hate to end this on a negative note, but I need to get my running clothes on and load up a playlist.  I haven’t run three miles in…. well, it’s been so long that I can’t remember the last time I did it, but it was probably 2006.  I’m going to do it this morning just because I feel like forcing myself to push some kind of boundary.

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