David Copperfield

My girlfriend and I went to see David Copperfield on Wednesday. The show was held in the Palace Theatre in Columbus, Ohio. It’s a grand sort of place, with ornate domed ceilings, marble steps, balconies, chandeliers, etc. We decided to dress up a little, just to make the occasion more special. She wore a sexy, elegant red dress with black leather high-heeled boots. I wore dark grey slacks, black shoes, white shirt (no tie,) and a navy blue jacket. We looked quite nice together, if I do say so myself.

We arrived with plenty of time to spare because we wanted to eat before the show. She’d picked out a couple ritzy places online, but they were closed between lunch and dinner during the hours we had available. So, not really knowing the city at all, we ventured down the street, arm in arm, with only the vague directions of an exuberant parking garage attendant to guide us to a restaurant of worth.

We passed a number of places, saving their locations in our minds in case we found nothing we liked better. We finally settled on an Italian place called Due Amici. It was an excellent choice, although I felt a little outclassed. I was almost afraid to open the menu, for fear that there would be no prices listed. I felt out of my league. The prices were listed, which might actually have been worse, once I saw them and started doing the math. I keep forgetting that I actually have a little bit of money now. My brain is stuck in the rut of thinking “you’re not gonna get all the bills paid this month.” I took a breath, relaxed, and quit worrying about it.

We ordered calamari for an appetizer, and we ordered a bottle of wine. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name, but it and the calamari were excellent. She ordered sausage ravioli in a lemon parmesan broth. I had spaghetti in a light marina sauce with a HUGE meatball and some Italian sausage. Both dishes were exquisite. The service was satisfactory for the first half of the meal, but then our waiter struck up a conversation with another customer about his personal views of the historical Jesus, and he has his back to the rest of the room for nearly 20 minutes. It pissed me off, but I gave him his 15% anyway because I didn’t want my girlfriend to think I was being a scrooge. It was the most money I have ever spent on a meal for two people, and it was worth every cent.

We walked to the theatre, found our seats, which were close enough to the stage to see everything well, and waited for the show to start.

While we waited, a projection screen displayed a scrolling list of all the reasons we should love David Copperfield more than God. "Knighted by the French Govenement!" "Most Tickets Sold Worldwide!" "Only Living Magician to Appear on a Postage Stamp!" On and on these things went, and then they repeated over and over.

Before he actually appeared on stage, the video changed to show about five minutes of clips where he’s been in, or mentioned in, sitcoms, movies, cartoons, Presidential speeches, etc. I thought, “Man, what an ass bag.”

I will admit that he put on a damn fine show. The tricks were amazing and well done. Some of his jokes were even funny. Among other things, he somehow passed through a huge section of 1-inch steel plate, appeared out of thin air while sitting on top of a huge motorcycle, made thirteen people disappear and reappear in the back of the theatre, and conjured a 1950 Buick out of thin air. I was impressed and amazed.

However - beyond any doubt - the most amazing, astounding, and unbelievable aspect of the entire show was… that man’s ego. It was a miracle unto itself that he could stand up straight with that huge swollen head of his.

So, looking back on it, I am glad we went because we found that awesome restaurant, and I had never seen a big-time magic show before, but now that I have seen him, I won’t bother to catch his show again… although I will look for any reason to go back to Columbus so we can eat at Due Amici’s again.